Letting Go of that Toxic Relationship, Even if you Love the Person
September 18, 2011 in Self Help by Karla Campos
I was supposed to be writing about QR codes but you know me, I get distracted and unfortunately sometimes I can be such a girl…. (rolling my eyes at me).
I think you might have seen some of my status updates about my grammy (abuelita, grandma, babushka, etc), she is sooo miserable : ( and she takes it out on everyone else, at first I was mad and couldn’t take her criticism and wanted to fight with her and tell her to shove it where the sun don’t shine lol but I’m too good to let my emotions get the best of me so I settled for pretending to be cleaning and being so excited about her “advice” on how to raise children because to her everything I do is wrong…. She is the type that tells you not to play in the dirt because you are going to get sick (all those who have children in football or any other sport know that playing in the mud is not a big deal, if anything it makes a kid stronger and it builds a memory), she is restriction central. With her around everyone has to be in bed by 9 PM and awake by 6 AM. You must eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks are a no no.
She is my toxic relationship, I love her to death but her pain is too great for her to handle and she has not gotten over it. She puts her pain on others and being around her feels like a truck is running over you. I call her “The Terminator” for a reason, I dedicate this song to her:
I think it says everything I ever wanted to say to her, she will never understand what it says even if it was in her native language, she only understands what she knows….
It is very painful but I have to let go of my toxic relationship and understand that even if I win the Noble Prize, she will never think it is good enough, she is lost in her pain and I don’t know if she will learn how to let it go in this life time. It’s not my battle, it’s hers : (
I am crying as I write this post, but it’s time to let go. You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped and you can’t let them take you down either, goodbye I love you, I hope you find your way <3 <3 XOXO. Letting go doesn’t mean never talking to the person again, it just means that you are letting go of the feelings that person causes you : )
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Because Love is bigger than anything else « Bonnie67′s Blog
on October 20, 2011
I know exactly what you mean, starting out writing about one thing getting distracted by another. My last post changed subjects 3 or 4 times and it’s still not complete because as you can see, I’m distracted.
Your post about the toxic relationship is heartbreaking, but sometimes you have to do what is best for you. Remember, everyone comes into our lives for a reason, we may not know what that reason is, whether it’s for our benefit or for theirs… but whatever that purpose was, it has happened and it’s time to move forward.
Much love… Knik
Thanks Knik,
I like to share my experiences in hopes that it will help others going through the same thing, even if it is TMI lol thank you for your support and kind words : )
This could be true of any relationship. Especially one that doesn’t seem toxic. The type of relationship that goes no where that doesn’t make you feel as good as it should. Letting go is hard but holding on is harder, that pain remains until you let go.
Thank you for sharing, this is a great post that left me thinking…that’s exactly how I feel.
Thank you, I appreciate that you stopped by to share. I am sending some <3 <3 vibes your way : )
Karla Campos recently posted..The New Facebook Profile (Timeline) in Action and How to Get it Now
Not an easy task Karla but you’ve made the right. We’ve all got one life to live and we have a choice of where we want to be. As written in Desiderata, “Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.”
I believe that one day she will find peace; for now she must realize the consequences of her act.
I agree easier said than done, I hope she finds peace as well. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind words : )
Cheer up, Karla! You must always move ahead. It is as you said “You can’t help those who don’t want to be helped and you can’t let them take you down either” You are responsible for making your life work and that’s a helluva task. Just breath and keep going, my friend!
Gustavo| Frugal Science recently posted..What would you regret 20 years from now?
Thank you for your kind words Gustavo, that is exactly what I plan to do : )
Very honest and needed article. Iits hard to have loved ones stay in their own misery, but you have to reach a point where it does not make you miserable as well and walk away.
Thank you, if only you could cook someone’s misery away ahh…. wouldn’t that be nice? I could just give grandma a happy cake : )
Big, big hug to you, Karla.
I cried with you.
This was a very powerful post, Karla. That I can certainly relate too. I have a bunch of these type relationships in my family. It’s always about the negative, drama-filled, what everyone else is doing wrong but they do right, type of toxicity! And you’re right it gets tired and old really quick! Especially when you’re doing everything in your power to stay positive in your own life. So much like yourself, laced with a bit of Deeone, I’ve labeled them and I avoid them. It’s not to say that I don’t love my family, I do with all of my heart, but I’m responsible for the type of energy I allow in my life. And that is not the kind of energy that I want to be present.
Also, you have posted here one of my favorite songs EVER!!!! I can so relate to every word of this video. When I heard it for the first time, I looked at the radio, and thought…”Heeeey, did Kelly steal my life and make a song about it?!”
Great song!!! Have you heard the Duet she did with Reba McEntire? Great version as well. 
If you haven’t look it up! You’ll like it!
Deeone recently posted..It’s Not the End, Butterfly! Part 2
Thanks Deeone, I will have to look for that duet. You are AWESOME!
I had a similar relationship with my mom – nothing I ever did was good enough. Here is how I changed it: When I left my ex, my daughter was only 20 months old, I had to live with my mom for a bit until I got back on my feet (a whole new lesson in humility!). After I moved out and was starting to build back my self-esteem, I decided I had had enough. I had had enough of being treated like I was less than – not good enough – buy my ex, by my mom – by guys I dated. I had had enough!
So when I would bring my young daughter over to my mom’s house to visit Grandma, she would start in – like she usually did. I wouldn’t get angry – I would just start packing up my daughter’s diaper bag and toys and say, “Honey, it’s time for us to leave”. I don’t care if we had only been there for 5 minutes! If my mom was going to start in with all of her crap – I wasn’t going to be around to be her willing punching bag anymore! I would gather up my little girl and we would LEAVE!. No drama – no getting angry – I was just sending a clear message to my mom that it is no longer acceptable to treat me like that.
It took several times, but my mom did get the message. Our relationship has transformed. Now we she has something she doesn’t approve of about me, she keeps it to herself – and she has been a huge support to me all of these years – I think I can even go as far as to say my biggest supporter.
We teach people how we want to be treated. Just because your Gammy has had a hard life, it doesn’t give her the right to take it out on you. Teach her in a loving way that you think you are worth being treated differently – and she will follow suit.
Kelly recently posted..Headlines That Get You Noticed
Thank you for sharing your story Kelly, it will be very helpful to those reading this article since you share what worked for you. Sometimes people are told to think positive and to eliminate toxic relationships but they are not told how to do it, in sharing your story you are showing people how : )